So Who Is This Tony Carter Chap?

I first realised I felt a bit different when I was about 12. I didn’t feel I fitted in. I got on with people but other than one life long friend, didn’t have any other mates really. I left school without achiecing much, a splattering of O Levels. I did an A level at evening college a year later. I started work, but here I felt I was never part of the team. An outsider. Something just did not feel right and this began to get me down and cause mood swings. I found myself trying to do things for everyone as that seemed to be a way of having some worth. I chased ‘thank you’s like some chased a drink. I liked that too as after a few drinks I felt like I fitted in a bit more with others that were drunk around me.

I first spoke to my Doctor and then the Mental Health Team at 20 when things seemed to be getting a bit much for me. My moods deepened, temper shortened and my mouth seemed to cause more issues as if I did not know how to communicate properly. I could never put a finger on it but just felt ‘wrong’.  Life carried on like this punctuated by happy times helped by meeting Donna, who I am still married to today. I worked different jobs which again, never really seemed to work out. I always tried but was never happy and always thought there should be something more. Like I wasn’t achieving anything and wasn’t really doing what I was meant to do. In 1994, a week before we were getting married, I was made redundant from the estate agents I had been working at. That was it, I didn’t want to work for anybody else and after the honeymoon in a hauted house (we didn’t know when we booked it!!), I set up a small leafleting and marketing business. I have been self-employed ever since.

In 2005, after years of trying, my son was born and life seemed to have a purpose. I carried on between playing dad, being a husband (of sorts at times), and trying to keep some sort of business going, with my head still not feeling right. There were different issues with parents in the playground, things taken out of context, mood swings and outburst that gave me a bit of a reputation. There were regular visits to the Doctors, different medications, and some dark times where live was only worthwhile because of my wife and son: so I stayed here.

At 54, I went an saw a locum GP about some pains in my leg. Turned out I was jogging too muchtrying to get my head straight.  Anyway, she sat down and had a chat while looking at my notes. She saw some of the issues I had been dealing with mentally, including a very impulsive ‘moment’ a few months before. She talked about how this had escalated from such a small moment in Tescos to such a big situation before saying, ‘has anybody said you have ADHD?’ I laughed and said no, not knowing what it was really. She is she was 95% certain I had it and that she was referring me straight away. Four months later I got a diagnosis of high combined ADHD which would certainly affect my life and was put straight on medication. I still see this Doctor and will be forever thankful to her for seeing something that many other ‘experts’ had never even considered.

At first this was really good news as it explained so much of my life, and why I had felt and acted the way I did. It was a bit of a lighy bulb moment and many things now seemed to make sense.  Then, the anger set in with me feeling that if this had been spotted earlier, how different my life may have been for me, my family, and others around me. I This seems to be something many people with a late diagnosis go through. It took time to deal with and quite a bit of self reflection and learning.

Last year I decided it was time that I leart how to live with my ADHD and the issues that I had been dealing with for most of my live. I studied as a Mental Health First Aider and as someone that has always been good at talking with people, trained to be an ADHD and Life coach. I realised that there were many others that felt like me. Like an outsider, not fitting in, masking how they really felt. Maybe finding things much more challenging than others. How life seemed to be more negative than it needed to be.

I was someone that talked about my issues this and a family that would listen and try to understand. I was lucky. But this actually caused some issues of it’s own and showed why many people don’t want to speak up. Many people feel like they can’t talk about how they feel for fear of being looked at as weak or different. They carry on trying to fit in and push those feeling to the back of their mind, where they only come out at night or when times are really dark.

Some people do not feel as affected and get on with their lives with their job and career, bringing up the kida and getting on with life. They may wonder why they get a bit too angry at times, overreact, say the wrong thing. They may get anxious or stressed at work when they don’t expect it and take this home to the family, causing shame. They can have days where life is, well sh%t. But keep it all inside.

Wherever men (and women) are with this. Whether they feel they relate to ‘Dave’, have an ADHD diagnosis, Mental Health problems, are Neurodivergent, . If they have the odd bad day or if they are at the point of wondering why they bother. These people need to know that speaking out and asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a strength and shows they are strong in wanting to feel better with life. There are not many places out there that offer this, and I realised I wanted to try and make a safe place where people have somewhere they can talk, open up if they want, to feel safe.

I am building a community that people can be part of either once in a while or every day. Somewhere to chat, feel heard, feel a part of something. Along with that I am here to offer coaching and support to help people to understand who they are and why they act or feel the way they do. I am not a doctor and do not diagnose or worry about labels. If people have different issues and traits that may be affecting them, then I am offering the support needed. Help to move forward and use tools to set goals and aim life in the direction they want to go.  This can be in the community, through workshops, 1-2-1 coaching or digital support. Whatever works best.

This has given me a future and a purpose. To use my ‘life experience’ to an advantage, hopefully meaning that others might not have to go through some issuses that I went through. To show that although not the finished article, I have moved forward and that others can too.  This is something that will grow over the coming years. It is my career and my income, but I would never let someone’s financial pressures affect their ability to get Real help and support.

So there you are, that is me. Pretty much unfiltered although I am always happy to fill in the redacted bits. I don’t have degrees, a fancy office and a posh car,. I don’t pretend I am something I am not or that I have all the answers. I am still looking for many, and we may find them together. What I am is REAL, HONEST, NON-JUDGMENT, and most importantly, HERE FOR YOU.